haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
