That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
this is an emotional support booty call
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize