shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
