Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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