if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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