At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
