I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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