we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
