dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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