Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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