$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
