Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
