if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
