remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
