oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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