Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
