in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
