Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
