i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You dont lie about slip and slides
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
