discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
