That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
