Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Even my vagina gasped.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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