tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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