member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
