he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
