I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
