I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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