i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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