jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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