My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize