just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
should my penis look like a turkey
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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