I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
