Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I want is dick and wine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
