Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
