I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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