All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
