he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
