Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
