Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
