my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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