dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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