If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
