Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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