the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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