Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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