i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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