which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
