moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
