I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
