i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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