Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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