I'm so fucking centered right now
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
