He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
