mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
