I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
