the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
