Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
