How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
