Betty ford says i'm here all night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
