very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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