Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
