He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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