she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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