girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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