Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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