It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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