holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
