I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's like iHOP with fire
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
